Confessions of a Clumsy Scot

I'm from Scotland, and I'm pretty clumsy. Go figure!

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About

Do what makes you happy. Taking the adult life one day at a time and enjoying the world around me

Can you empty your brain

Oct 26, 2026

This is a long term issue for me. Mind noise.

I’m sure it has lots of different names but it doesnt matter what I do, I cannot switch off. It takes me hours to fall asleep every single night just because my brain talks rubbish.

I know a lot of people will lie there and think of or over think scenarios that have happened, might happen or could have gone differently but I just seem to have conversations with myself. Am I crazy?

I have tried so many times to meditate but my mind wanders and I wind up back where I started.

I honestly don’t know what else to try without medicating myself to just sleep.

It’s not just when I sleep though, it’s constant, its just an issue when I sleep.

I also only recently learnt that not everyone has an internal dialogue. I genuinely thought everyone has a little voice (not that I know what it sounds like) but that means some people actually have silence? I mean is it literally just silence? What do your thoughts sound like?

I have no idea where this post came from, it was an idea and I immediately had to type something, so I do realise this post probably does make me sound crazy.
Expectations of humanity

Oct 6, 2026

What’s a personal mantra or philosophy you live by?

I have recently come to the realisation that if you expect people to be arseholes, you can be pleasantly surprised when they’re not.

Going through some things in life recently has really made me lose trust in people. Those who you think were friends, can very quickly become people who make your life a living hell.

I will still always try and treat people how I would like to be treated, and I will always try and be pleasant to those around me, but I will always now er on the side of caution in those I trust. And always watch how information you relay, can be twisted.

Humanity has changed, and I feel like the only person you can look out for is yourself. I’ve changed my outlook so I can be pleasantly surprised inside of being upset or disappointed.
What is self care?

Sep 24, 2026

How do you make time for self-care?

If I’m being honest, I don’t.

When we went on holiday back in June, I thought it was the perfect reset getaway. It came at a perfect time.

Three months later, that feels like a lifetime ago.

I’m not overly girly to bother with the spa/facemask type stuff. The odd time I get to spend ten minutes in the garden is more what I enjoy to switch off but I feel like my garden has been neglected this year. Even after I had great plans for it.

I have started getting back to the gym, which is a good me time thing. But the last three weeks have been so stressful and I just haven’t got out to do my me things.

I do need to make more time for myself though, even if thats just sitting with my book or crochet through the winter. Just give me some time with myself and decompress!
Not sure love was a first thought

Sep 22, 2026

Looking back at some post prompts I came across the one titled, ‘How did you meet your significant other?’

This was not an overly romantic story to be honest with you!

Dean is a mechanic. At the time I had an old MK4 Golf that needed some work done and I initially asked Dean to tint one of my windows after the old one got smashed while changing my door card.
When I picked up the car, we were chatting about some of the other bits that needed done on my car and how I wanted to tackle some myself but I needed some help with little bits.
So he said come up on Sunday and we’ll do the brake pipes and tie rods together and he would show me how to do it and give me some tips. This essentially ended up being our first date if you like.

We actually really hit it off, but I don’t think dating was on either of our minds. He quickly found out about my fear of spiders and then decided to put one down my back as a joke.

After that we did the same thing a couple of times over a few weeks getting wee bits and pieces on my car done, alongside chatting on the phone most nights.

After that we just started spending more and more time together, like going to watch the sunset somewhere on the Island, just going for a drive, watching a movie or just sitting chatting for hours and honestly the rest is history. I moved in at the end of 2021 officially after we had been dating for around 18 months and never looked back!

Mac and Macey, as basically it was his and hers dogs as I don’t think Dean would enjoy having his face on the blog!
Modernist Cemetery of Lloret De Mar

Sep 13, 2026

Back in June, Dean and I had the most amzing wee holiday to Lloret De Mar in Girona, Spain.

The trip was specifically to go to the Formula at the Circuit de Catalunya in Barcelona but we had three days to ourselves and did a little bit of sight seeing around the village. I say village because it’s not a city, but when you’re trying to walk aroud in average 30 degree temperatures, it feels like you’ve walked miles.

We came across the Cementiri Modernista or the modernist cemetery which I found really fascinating.
The whole cemetery is based of societal hierarchy, with the large tombs dedicated to the upper class, paprticularly the those who funded the cemtery, then as you walk round to the rear of the tombs you will come across those that are second and third class. This runs around in a circle of the cemetery. As the cemtery was built in the 19th century, the population would have been much smaller so each family had a dedicated tier and over the years the gravestones were added to with the younger family members.

As the cemetery came from the parish church of Sant Roma, the majority of those buried in the cemtery were worshippers or connected to the church however there is a large section in the cemetery for those who were not baptised or were believed to be non worshippers of Sant Roma.

The church was built with the name ‘City of the Dead.’
As you walk through you’ll notice it was designed to literally be a city for the dead with avenues, promenades, squares and miniature city blocks.

I just found the whole place really fascinating and intriguing reading some family stories and history. You’ll also find a huge different aray of different organisations that people were connect to such as the Knights Templar, Priory of Sion or the Order of Calatrava.

It’s also really unique to see how things like a cemetery differentiates so much in different countries. I appreciate they were all built in different times and to commemorate different events but the architechture and designs are all so different.
I’m Glad my Mom Died – Jeanette McCurdy

Aug 31, 2026

By far my favourite book. I read this in 4.5 hours straight which is not like me when I read at all!

I grew up watching Jeanette on TV and really enjoyed her as an actress, but I loved the book so much more because the characters I watched really were nothing like her in real life.
I think it also really gives you an insight to reality, and those stars we see on TV can be portrayed totally differently. Her childhood was taken from her.

Jeanettes mum, stole her childhood from her, and made jeanette live a life her mother wanted. This turned into Jeanette resenting her mum, hence the title of her book.

I think the reality is, she did love her mum but they wanted two very different things in life, and Jeanette never really wanted to be famous, or on TV, or to be a singer, but she continued to do these things because it made her Mum happy.

I’d also like to mention that I remember a few years ago, some allegations came around regarding Dan Schneider (a director and writer of the shows Jeanette starred in such as iCarly and Sam and Cat). Jeanette mentions this in the book but clearly makes a point of not stating any names so I’m intrigued by the timeline of the allegations vs when the book was written. This is irrelevant to the book, it was just a point I found funny as again, I grew up watching these shows, and as much as I enjoyed them, the thought truly makes me sick now as an adult because these girls were just teenagers at the time.

I do also think anyone who doesn’t know who she is could really enjoy this book as like I said before, being a celebrity isn’t always what it’s made out to be and I think Jeanette really showcased this in her words.
I would love if she wrote another book, it’s honestly been one of my favourites to read.
Learning from potatoes

Aug 28, 2026

This year I had so many plans for the garden and honestly most of them fell through, except the potatoes.

I thought I’d give some potatoes a go, I did some research (clearly not enough) and learnt that you can more or less grow them all year round too!

I went to my local garden centre and picked up some grow bags, as I’d previously learnt from our old house mates if you stick them in the ground, you’ll probably never get rid of them, and some seed potatoes. I know one of the were Duke of York seed potatoes but honestly cannot remember the other ones.

My ADHD brain decided then that was it. I threw some compost in the grow bags, and chucked a whole bag of seed potatoes in each and covered them in a layer of compost.

The next few weeks is where I realised I messed up.

I learnt that as they grow you top them up with compost, which was fine and I did that a couple of times over the next few weeks and then came across a video online where someone had put like three seed potatoes in the grow bags for their magnificent harvest. I had obviously over saturated my grow bags with potatoes but then when I went to see if I could at least move some into another container, I was too scared I’d kill them or something like that so I left them.

I decided in July to pull my Duke of Yorks and I honestly couldn’t believe how many potatoes grew in those tiny bags, but in turn it meant I also grew tiny potatoes. So lesson learnt for next year to only put a handful of potatoes in each grow bag, which does mean I can have more containers growing potatoes which means MORE POTATOES!

I pulled the other white potatoes too a couple of weeks ago and they were the same although most were actually bigger than the Duke of Yorks, so maybe had I left them a bit longer they might have gotten bigger. I just assumed as the green was dying off I needed to harvest them!

This is why I started gardening though and growing things. To learn, and learn I did. I cannot wait to have potatoes coming out of my ears next year!
Sourdough Saga

Jul 24, 2026

About a year ago, I was seeing everyone’s sourdough baking on Instagram and Facebook. I love baking myself and my first thought was, ‘How hard can it be?’

Oh I was so very wrong.

Attempt one, after some research, I threw 50g of the first bag of flour I came across in my cupboard into a jar, with 50g of water. I repeated this for five days before very visible mould appeared on top.

Chucked it and started again.

The same thing, with an almost identical timeline happened another three times.

Four attempts, and four weeks later I gave up.

Maybe six months later I thought I’ll give it one last shot, where was the harm. This time I managed 12 days before mould appeared but absolutely no movement in it beforehand so I’d already moreorless given up before the mould appeared anyway.

Decided at that point, sourdough wasn’t for me and continued making my sandwich loaves which I loved but I felt seemed quite heavy and dense.

Fast forward to a month ago, I was searching some ready starters I could buy and wanted a better jar to go with it. So bought the kit which came with a fabulous little spatula, a jar with a crew on lid and a little shower cap, a banneton and various other little pieces. I thought Ill give the starter one more try before I buy one.

The package arrived, I cleaned it, and immediately threw 30g of bread flour and 30g of water into the jar, popped the little shower cap onto it and repeated this for a week.

I did it! She was doubling in size and bubbling away perfectly!

I then had to find a recipe for bread to bake without a Dutch oven! I found one that seemed beginnet friendly and started.

Might I add, I did not realise one loaf took so long before I could bake it which all the stretch and folds and proofing!

I followed my recipe to the gram. But honestly when I took her out of the fridge and shaped her, I didn’t have high hopes. She was very flat and wouldnt hold shape. I keep seeing on a Facebook group though, when in doubt bake it anyway and that I did.

And she actually came out amazing!

Loaf one, of many many more to come!
Depression fuelled productivity

Jul 21, 2026

So I’ve had so many posts lined up to post here but procrastination has got the better of me. I will sit down eventually and get them written up but instead, I had a useless realisation the other day that I thought I’d share.

I weed when I’m depressed.

So I’ve done posts on my garden and you’ll now realise I enjoy spending time in the garden, but there’s jobs I keep putting off. Mainly weeding.

Every night I go outside with Macey to play with her herding ball, and I’ve found myself pulling weeds between the slabs of the patio.

On Saturday, I had an event on all day and came home feeling tired and just burnt out. I was desperate for a shower but needed to wait for the water to heat up.
Popped outside to play with Macey to pass the time and for some reason, started weeding the part of the garden that has just been abandoned for about four years.
I started and I just couldn’t stop myself.

Three hours later, i can see our gravel again and found the kerbing we started relaying that I’ll need to finish.
When will my brain let me do that? Who knows.
The next few weeks are going to be hectic as we have family coming, I have RNLI commitments, covering work, legal stuff and what ever else gets thrown at me but this is an area I’d really like to finish now before summer is out!
Benbecula by Graeme Macrae Burnet – Book Review

Jun 1, 2026

So I found this book on a blog on here, and I highly recommend you check her out if you’re a book person!

https://wordpress.com/reader/feeds/8353950

I’ll start by saying it’s a relatively short book but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I spent a lot on time in Benbecula growing up as I have family there. Because of this I think it gave me a really good picture throughout.

Every page I could imagine being there, and hearing different points from characters really made it.

It just seems like a normal family working the croft, making a living and going through life as the norm back in the days that assume was set before the Highland clearances.

From childhood, to the setting and into ‘now.’ The hardships of living in the conditions they did and how they had to just get on with it.

Then describing Angus’ weapons was very spine curling, before going on to show his mindset throughout.

An author that I will certainly be reading more from!

(Also I do apologise for my book review, hopefully I’ll get better with them)